My first STD was from a foam party
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
