chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
