the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
