Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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