do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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