he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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