new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
