Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
