You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
