We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
