A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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