So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
