If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize