his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
