and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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