Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
