A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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