She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
