my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
