Whod you bang
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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