im drinking this country out of the recession.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
