We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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