there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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