the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
