At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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