I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
