Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
