in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
from now on my penis is your penis
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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