half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
