We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
