my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
