I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
