I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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