I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
