Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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