I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
