You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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