i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
