I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
