was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize