My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
