I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
