dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
