i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
