oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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