is your mom at the bar?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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