also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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