I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
