im six kinds of drunk right now
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
