we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
