dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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