I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize