She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
