and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize