Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
