watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize