What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
