You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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