Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Randomize
