Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
