i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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