I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
