If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
