Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
