I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize