I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
