My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
God I need to hump something, right now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
