Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
