hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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