Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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