Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
