my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
