My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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