Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
