I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
