if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
