there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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