I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
