That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
