I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize