I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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