Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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