Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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