if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
