i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
