I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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