You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
