he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize