Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
