just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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