I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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