I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
