Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
