She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
