DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
