Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize