i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
