once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
