i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
