my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
