why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
