dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
