Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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