i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
