So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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