So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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