I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
there was a trapeze. enough said
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize