It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
