I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
