Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize