Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
